The Hardest Thing To Do Is Say Goodbye
by Xx-SxC-jEsSe-xX
Summary: Im not good with these since ive just started but it happens after hauntedGrave Doubts! So read on to find out more!


**Hi everyone that reads this!! Sadly I don't own the Mediator…or Jesse : ( …. This is my first Fanfic so go easy on me : )This is after Grave Doubts/Haunted no. 5 , and it has a quote from Grave Doubts as well from the grave yard at the end. So read on amd find out what its about!!**

I sat on my bed, thinking and sobbing uncontrollably. I sat there, in my room for what could have been months, but in reality it was only for a few hours, staring up at the ceiling, crying until I could cry no more, thinking about him. I hadn't stopped thinking about him since that day, and every time I thought about him, it brings fresh new tears to my eyes.

How could I even think it could work out? He's…dead, I'm alive. I wouldn't be able to show him to my parents, what would I say?

"Hey mum, dad meet my boyfriend" and no one would be there. You might be wondering what I'm talking about well… I'm a Mediator, a liaison between the living and the dead, and my job is to help lost souls move on, as well as school, which really sucks. To some people they walk straight through ghosts, but not me, to me ghosts are as real as you or me.

I looked over my shoulder and to the window seat where he used to sit reading books. That brought tears reminding me about that day a few weeks ago, where my heart tore into two.

I just came home from school and slung my bag at the bottom of the stairs as I walked through the door and called out "I'm home!" I ran up the stairs and opened my bedroom door, there sitting on the window seat was Jesse, reading a big book as usual. I had to hold my breath to take him all in, Jesse was just so…well perfect.

He looked up from his book as he saw me walk through the door.

"Hey Querida." He said "How was school?"

"Fine." I replied as I fell on my bed and picked up my copy of Cosmo. Jesse closed his book and set it down on the window seat which he had just vacated. He walked over towards me.

"We need to talk." He said in his deep sexy voice, my heart was pounding inside my chest.

'Oh no what if he wants to break up with me?' I thought, but Jesse isn't that kind of guy was he? No way. I set down my Cosmo magazine and said

"So talk," I said trying to hide my discomfort. He looked uneasy, in fact he almost looked as uneasy as me! I tried searching his eyes, looking for some kind of answer, but they were unreadable as always.

"I've been...uh...thinking." He looked even more uneasy now, and Jesse never stuttered, what could have been going on?

"Yes?" I said, trying to get him to talk.

"I don't think we can go on like this."

"Like what?" I demanded, honestly not knowing.

"You know, you need to be with someone alive, and I'm a bit…well…dead." Tears started pricking my eyes.

"How could you even think that? I love you Jesse, nothing else matters!" I shouted at him. He just winced like I had punched him.

"But it's never going to go anywhere is it? I mean I can't take you out, or treat you!"

"I don't care about any of that!" I said, but came out more like a ragged breath because of all the crying. I knew he didn't like to see my cry, but he just broke my heart, what was I supposed to do? Laugh? He started to walk towards me and comfort me, but as soon as he touched my shoulders, I pushed him off me. This caused him to stumble backwards.

"Get away from me!" I screeched at him.

I bolted down the stairs, careful not to trip up, and tore open the door. I ran down the road tears streaming down my cheeks. I kept running, towards what? I don't know, but I just had to get out of there before I broke down. As I was coming towards the gate. The gate that seemed so familiar to me, I went down here a lot, in fact, when I borrowed the hall pass I usually visited the Mission Cemetery, and down this very path. At the end of it, lay something I cared about most in the world.

I walked down the narrow pathway passing lots of flowers put down on the headstones by the people they loved. I walked to the end and stood in front of a headstone, just staring at it. I ran my fingers down the cool stone engravings "Here lies Hector 'Jesse' De Silva, Beloved Son, Brother and Friend. 1830 – 1850." Another set of salty tears took pace of my dry old ones. As I just stood there, crying silently and looking at the headstone, I saw, in the corner of my eye, someone materializing beside me. I really couldn't deal with any ghosts right now, particularly this one.

As I turned my head to the side a little, I could see Jesse, looking exactly where I had been looking a second ago. After a while, Jesse broke the silence.

"Susannah," He said in his silky voice, which would make me melt right there, but it only made me more angry.

"What Jesse?" I spat, quite viciously. I saw him wince a bit as I had said it.

"I'm sorry to make you angry, It's just…I don't know how I should tell you." Jesse said staring at the floor.

"Jesse, you know you can tell me anything." I said gently

"It's just… I found out what's holding me back…" He said shortly "to help me move on." This, instead of being happy news, just brought me fresh new tears, I don't usually cry, in fact I do anything to prevent me from crying.

"What…What is it?" I chocked out from the sobs, "That's holding you back, I mean."

"You've got to promise me, Susannah, that you move on, don't mourn me too long, I don't want to hold you back, you've got to have children, have a full life I know it will be hard, it will be hard for me also, but you have to listen to me," I really didn't understand how I could have a full and happy life without him but I nodded anyway.

"I don't know if I can do that, Jesse, but I'll try."

"Oh Querida, please do try." He pleaded, tears started rolling harder down my cheeks. But I nodded to show him I would. He cupped my face in his hands and pulled out a white handkerchief to dab away my tears. "Susannah, just remember, I love you, and this decision is just as hard for me, as it is for you. Just remember that ok?" I nodded.

"I love you, too" I replied. as he pushed the hair out of my eyes, and he started fading away.

"Te amor Querida." He leaned down and placed a soft kiss on my frozen lips, before he faded away. I thrust out my hand to try to grab him, so he could stay, but all that was left was the crisp cool air sweeping across my face, finally I broke down in tears.

That day I thought my life had ended, but as I sat on my bed staring at the window I suddenly felt selfish, here I was crying because he left when all along I was the one that was holding him back, holding him back from going to see his family.

Finally what Jesse had said had finally started to sink in, I had to move on, like him, I couldn't just mope around, I had to get out, I couldn't jus put my life on hold. So, I decided I had to have a fresh new start. I had a shower, got dressed, and did my hair and make-up. I picked up my shoes, looked in the mirror and I looked better than I had done in the last few weeks, and with one final glance at the window seat I whispered "Goodbye Jesse." I thought I saw him smiling down at me, I smiled to myself and went downstairs and opened the door for a start to a new life.

**A/N I'm thinking about doing a sequel or adding more chapters so Jesse can come back ALIVE!! So Review and tell me what you think!! Luv u all **

**xxx**


End file.
